The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

First of all, I’m mostly speaking to my former bandmates here. So yeah. I suppose it’s more like An Open Letter to the Band Members Who Graduated Today, but whatever.

Also, I don’t know what open letter actually means, I just thought it sounded cool.

Anyways!

I just want to say I’m proud of each and every one of you. Well, alright, MOST of you. Just because you graduated high school doesn’t mean you stopped being an asshole, or an idiot. But those are few and far between, and some of you, I haven’t even talked to in a year, so who knows? Maybe those few people also changed for the better. A lot can happen over the course of a year, even if you don’t notice. I suppose it’s a bit like a kettle. You put it on the stove to boil, leave it, and forget about it until it starts whistling. A lot of things are like that. They stay in the background until something calls your attention to it, and all the while you forget about it, it just keeps heating up. But I digress.

You are such beautiful, wonderful humans. I can’t wait to see what you all do in the world. How many of you will go into engineering and work on some of the greatest machines in history? How many of you will go into computer sciences and build the next big piece of software? How many of you will save lives as a doctor, or build houses, or write the next modern classic, be it in literature, film, or video games?  I also worry that some of you might end up on the streets, but I’m sure my fears are unfounded. Right? RIGHT?

When I saw you all today, I was reminded of my thoughts when I graduated. Would I be able to get a job? Would I be able to live the life I wanted to lead? Would I be happy? I had a lot of thoughts on different things, like life, death, love, commitment, work ethic, and other things. But I was usually optimistic. One of my friends once said that I never have a bad day, and I suppose that’s mostly true. Even though bad things do happen, I try not to let that get me down. And when I read about the Holocausts, the wars, the death and destruction, and the sadness of the world, I always remember that a better world is possible, if humanity could learn to cooperate. I’m not one of those people who thinks we’ll never learn. On the contrary, I truly believe that one day, we will realize this dream of peace and prosperity for all mankind. We’ll still have problems, sure, no society is perfect, but those problems won’t be nearly as bad as they are today. In fact, if you look at all of human history, you’ll see that everything is much better than it was in the past. Not that things aren’t sliding backwards in a lot of places, they are, but it’s not as bad as some people say.

I’m rambling. Sorry.

To conclude, I wish you all the best in your life.

Your friend, Evil Roda.

If you follow my Twitter at night, you know for over a week, I’ve been playing Katawa Shoujo. At night, because the only way to play Katawa Shouo (or anything romantic) is outside on a porch overlooking a valley with a city in it (and at night!). Well, replaying it, actually. I finished it in January, but I went back through to get %100, which basically meant getting all the scenes I missed, plus all the bad and neutral endings. Not that I just went through and saw all the bad endings, I used earlier saves to see all the good endings again as well (I saved at literally every decision on my first playthrough). It felt good to walk the halls of Yamaku once again.

ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT! NOW, WE REVIEW!

To start off, I’d like to address all the game’s detractors who, for one reason or another, just refuse to play it. I only know one, and I know her personally, so I’m going to base this section on her remarks. According to her, Katawa Shoujo is naught but a mere dating sim, or hentai game. To that, I say, no it’s not. Yes, it has sex in it, but then again, so don’t a buhmillion other works, and nobody calls those porn. What about The Stand, by Stephen King? Nobody calls it a porn novel just because it has sex in it. Hell, in the uncut version, there’s a part where a man gets sodomized with a gun. But if you can’t look past the gun sodomy and see all the wonders of that story, I feel truly sorry for you, and it’s the same with Katawa Shoujo. Also, what about all the amazing ideas put into the game? What about all the musings on disability and what it means to be disabled, and all the bits of philosophy on everything from art to health and fitness? Doesn’t that count for anything? To play it and not like it is one thing, I can respect that, I suppose. But to not play it and say it’s going to suck, to discount it as porn or just a game about “trying to get into the pants of disabled girls” is so close-minded and stupid.

Now that I’ve finally gotten that off my chest, let’s get on to the game.

So that you can all understand me, here’s a description of the game. It’s a visual novel taking place in modern Japan about a guy named Hisao Nakai who has a heart attack and discovers that he has arrhythmia, a terrible heart condition. After spending four months in the hospital, he has to go to a new school called Yamaku Academy, a school for disabled people. I KNOW IT LOOKS LIKE BROWN UNIVERSITY, BUT IT’S A SCHOOL FOR DISABLED PEOPLE! SHUT UP! There are five girls you can pursue (in the order in which they appear in the library feature): Emi Ibarazaki, who has no legs, Hanako Ikezawa, who has burns on half her body and severe mental trauma, Lilly Satou, who is blind, Rin Tezuka, who has no arms, and Shizune Hakakamichi, who is deaf. There’s also quite a few interesting side characters, such as Misha Mikado, who is Shizune’s best friend and translator (and is almost always with Shizune), Kenji Setou, Hisao’s amazingly wonderful hallmate, the nurse (nobody knows his real name, for some reason), and Yuuko, the absolutely adorable school librarian (she’s my favorite, aside from Kenji :3).

First of all, I really like how they made it so that every choice has an effect. Even if it’s a minor change to a following scene, it makes me feel like I’ve done something to actually cause a change in Hisao’s life, no matter how minor (although, usually, even the minor decisions and changes cause big things to happen). Contrast that with don’t take it personally, babe, it just ain’t your story. Now, don’t get me wrong, I fucking love don’t take it personally, but the choices in that game didn’t affect the rest of the game much, just that scene.

There were a few small things in the writing I didn’t like. Nothing like plotholes, more like they didn’t use a contraction here when they should have, that sort of thing. But otherwise, the whole thing was extremely well-written.

The music is absolutely amazing. Every track is at least good. I’m not sure what my favorite is, though. Nocturne? Romance in Andante II? Friendship? Moment of Decision? Ease? Red Velvet? It’s just so hard to choose just one!

The art is great. I really love how they use the character drawings in this one.They use actual photos for the background, but the photos they use are just wonderful pictures and the way they use them is extremely good. I also like the images they use, you know, the ones they put in the gallery portion of the Extras thing. Despite the character art obviously being by a few different people, it still worked, and you’ll be so immersed in the story, you won’t care. In fact, they managed to make most of the characters cute. Hell, even Kenji is cute. AND I AIN’T QUEER! That last statement was a reference to the movie Joe, for you Philistines who haven’t seen it and want to make an example of me.

Then there are the FMV animations at the beginning of the game, and the beginning of each arc. Mike Inel did an amazing job animating these. Each one looks very smooth and polished, and they are also great introductions to each arc. My favorite is either Rin’s or Shizune’s.

I think I’ll briefly talk about each arc now. I’ll try to avoid spoilers.

Emi’s arc is a lot of fun, but pretty sad as well. It’s also the arc where it ends best for Hisao. He’s more healthy, and he has a clear idea as to what he wants to be in the future. Emi’s really cute, too. :3

Hanako’s arc is heartbreaking, really, but it does turn out just fine in the end. Well, unless you get the bad ending. Then you’re left heartbroken. You know, unless you save at each decision, like I did. I WIN AT LIFE! God I’m lonely…

Lilly’s arc is SO ROMANTIC. Especially the ending. I wish I could talk about that, but dammit, I promised myself I wouldn’t give any spoilers.

Rin’s arc is probably my favorite. She’s just such a funny character. Not that there aren’t any heartbreaking scenes in this arc, there are, but you know. Seriously, though, you will cry when playing this one. You’ll laugh, too. This one also has three of my favorite scenes, Self-Destruction, Reverse Escapism, and Delirium. Delirium, in fact, is probably one of the best scenes in any video game ever. Be warned, despite Rin being a funny character, this arc is dark, man.

Shizune’s arc is, well, relaxing. If you play the arcs in the library order, after going through Rin’s extremely dark and complex arc, this one’s a bit of a breather, and the ending is a perfect end not just to her arc, but the game in general. I really like Shizune and Misha, too. They’re both very funny characters. This arc has its sad moments, too, like when Misha drops the bombshell that- NO! No! I’m not spoiling it! Just play the damned game yourself.

To conclude, Katawa Shoujo is an amazing game. It’s thougtful, funny, sad, respectful, and, most of all, beautiful. If you haven’t played it, do so, it’s free. Yes, that’s right, folks, this game is FREEWARE. So go play it right fucking now.

This is Evelzhkaya Rodansk, former Unicorn and hero of the New Siberian Republic, signing off.